The Blurred Path Of The Ceiling Fan
by Zombie Pigeon
Summary: Shounen-ai. Don’t judge a fic by it’s name! Though the name sounds like it’s a comedy, the fic isn’t really -_-;; it’s a short, Heero centric one-shot. Heero tries to sort out his feelings, if I give you more, there wont be anything to read ^_^;


Revised Edition! ^_^

Title: The Blurred Path Of The Ceiling Fan  
Genre: Romance  
Rating: PG  
Pairings: ?+1 

Disclaimer:  
I don't own Gundam Wing. To sue me, would make me sad and more poor, please don't?

The Blurred Path Of The Ceiling Fan  
By Nataku's Child 

Heero Yuy lay on his bedroom floor, watching his ceiling fan spin. It was amazing that something so simple could be so fascinating.

As Heero's eyes followed the fan's path, his mind drifted back to why he was entertaining himself by starring mindlessly at an appliance.

Simply put, he couldn't sleep.

Normally, this wouldn't be a problem. He didn't need much sleep; it was one of the few things he'd learned as a Gundam pilot that was still useful. But at the moment, he wished he _could_ sleep, he needed to get away from himself, even for a little while.

He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing deeply.

When did life get so confusing? As bad as it was, the times of war seemed so clear cut. Of course, there were times where he felt lost, but mostly, Heero knew what he felt and what to do about it. Now, his feelings seemed strange and mixed to him, always blurring at the edges. _That _was the worst. Life was now foggy, not the odd solidity he'd felt during the war.

Heero dropped his hand and watched the fan again. He isolated a blade, keeping his eye on it for as long as he could before it was lost into the blur of the rest of them.

Funny, it was so much like his life. He would think he understood himself and run with it until the slightest thing threw him off track and he was left searching again.

He smirked bitterly.

But this time, the thing wasn't exactly slight. Deciphering his feelings this time wasn't something he could do easily.

He laughed.

Was it ever any more?

Odin's words, the small piece of wisdom that had served him so well in the wars, sometimes being his only guidance, were near useless to him with this. Following your emotions is all well and good, if you know for sure what you feel. This is where Heero was stuck. Did he feel that way? Or did he just think it? Did he believe that? Or is it just because other people say it's true?

Now you may think: hey, Heero doesn't jump the cliff when other people do! Well, that's not...

...Well okay, _that's _true, but we aren't talking cliffs, we're talking love.

You see, that's why he was on the floor, doing something so out of character as starring at a fan. Yes, the subject was love, one of the biggest puzzles left to mankind.

He sat up slowly, yawning more from mental exhaustion then physical. He didn't bother to look at the clock; he knew he had been lying there for hours.

He leaned up against the nearest wall and wrapped his arms around himself. Closing his eyes, he breathed deeply, trying to slow the constant swirl of emotion.

He smirked again. Damn fan had him thinking in circles.

A hand snuck up to his face, running along memories of lines traced there earlier. That memory brought to mind another.

_"I love you."_

The words had come right after the touch, and had effectively thrown Heero's world back into chaos.

He tried to fit his feelings into those words, but he couldn't. And neither could he say that he wasn't in love. Why was everything so gray?

He let out a sigh of frustration; digging his fingers into his hair and pulling it back, taking his turmoil out on his scalp.

When it came down to it, he felt no closer to understanding then when he had first escaped to his room. The only thing he knew was that he felt alone. Completely and utterly alone, and for the first time in his life, that bothered him.

That realization brought another. That he didn't want to be alone...no, that wasn't it. He didn't want to be without the man who loved and cared for him. Heero unthreaded his fingers from his hair and came to a decision.

It was simple: he didn't know. Whether it was love or not, he was still unsure, but the fact was that he needed to be with Trowa.

Heero stood up, looking back at the ceiling fan with a small quirk to his lips before walking away. He crept through the house, his feet falling silently on the carpeted floor. He stopped out side of a door at the end of an almost pitch black hallway and turned the knob, not bothering to knock.

Inside, it glowed softly, the streetlight outside filling every corner of the small room. As he walked to the bed, deep green eyes watched him, the owner's face shown almost pale in the streetlight. He knelt beside Trowa.

"I'm sorry," Heero said, resting his hands on the edge of the mattress.

The green eyes never wavered. Trowa lifted a slender hand, finding the familiar spot on Heero's cheek.

Heero instinctively leaned into the touch, feeling instantly comforted by Trowa's silent acceptance. When he was with Trowa, Heero felt the gray separate to black and white, the spinning stop and everything seemed so simple.

Without saying a word, Trowa scooted back, making room for Heero.

As he slipped under the covers, Heero felt strong arms wrap around him. He held on. His body molded into Trowa's and he closed his eyes, feeling his mind rest in the company of someone he trusted more then himself.

As he lay, content with the comfortable silence they often fell into, the answer became clear, as everything did when he was around Trowa.

Heero opened his eyes and meet Trowa's. He held the gaze for a moment. His hand found it's way to Trowa's hip. He leaned in and placed a small kiss to Trowa's lips before bringing his own to Trowa's ear.

"I love you," Heero whispered.

"I know," Trowa said quietly into his ear. "Even if you didn't."

Heero chuckled. "How is it that you've always known me better then I do?"

Trowa pulled back, smiling softly. "I could ask you the same."

Heero gave him a small half smile.

Trowa drew him back into his arms. "I love you too."

Heero exhaled slowly and returned the embrace firmly.

He fell asleep feeling once again that he understood his feelings. Most likely, his enlightenment wouldn't last, but as long as he had Trowa, at least one of them knew how he felt.

Maybe someday, Trowa could help him understand.

~ The End ~

I wrote it in one night ^_^ see what boredom does kids? ::points to title:: always keep a source of amusement near you at all times!  
::waves:: G'night kids!

-Nikki :-P


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